


Haiku Hell

by Singe_Addams



Category: Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien
Genre: Bestiality, Haiku, Humor, Multi, Poetry, Sexual Content, Voyeurism
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-05-20
Updated: 2011-05-20
Packaged: 2017-10-19 14:43:04
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/201977
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Singe_Addams/pseuds/Singe_Addams
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I got into a filthy LOTR themed haiku war once. Once. A couple of these might not be mine but I can't remember, the war happened years ago. Well, if it ain't mine it's probably Claudia603's, my partner in crime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Haiku Hell

Fangirls blaspheme hard.  
In the afterlife Tolkien  
waits with nine iron.

 

Frodo takes Rosie,  
so fast and hard. What Sam don't  
know, will not hurt him.

 

Gollum and Frodo  
dance on the edge. Sharp teeth snap.  
Finger 'lickin' good!

 

Long, cold lonely nights.  
Sam finds heat and ecstasy.  
Good thing Bill can't talk.

 

Eowyn stinks of  
stable. But if she's willing,  
Merry is able.

 

Saruman peers deep  
and mutters curses. Scrambled porn  
is so frustrating.

 

Frodo twists, in bliss,  
and gives all. In the morning,  
come ibuprofen!

 

Radagast so loves  
the critters! Someone call the  
ASPCA!

 

Saruman alone  
at home with Lobelia.  
Hot wrinkly action!

 

Bilbo writhes in joy.  
Flames of Smaug's desire lick  
him with a forked tongue!

 

Inside Moria  
Gimli 'mourns' Balin all night.  
Dead dwarves tell no tales.

 

Bilbo remembers  
all that he taught hot Arwen.  
The King should thank him!

 

Bilbo, unseen, goes  
plundering in the Elf King's  
tight, hot, dark cavern!

 

Fredegar Bolger,  
broad as a barn and lusty.  
Poor Rosie squashed flat.

 

The Last Ship sails West,  
and promises something for  
everyone! Love Boat!

 

Galadriel dumps  
the seer water on the ground.  
Yuck, why did she look?

 

A poor, tired Frodo  
searches for soothing ointment.  
The chafing is hell!

 

The undertaker  
tries hard but he can't wipe that  
smile off Frodo's face.

 

Four hobbits and Tom  
pile on the River's Daughter.  
Goldberry's heaven!

 

Speaking for herself,  
Singe lives vicariously.  
Kinda sad, really.


End file.
